Dealing with a Liar

I have found that I have trouble dealing with people who lie.  S says this is because my brain doesn't work that way.  I always try to tell the truth, so I operate as if everyone tells the truth.  Today, I read an article titled "Understanding a Liar"

For me the most interesting part is this:

"In relationships you are responsible for your half of the emotions.

"Taking care of your half means noticing where you are lying. If you are upset with someone for lying it is because you believe they should be telling the truth. Your expectation is that they should drop all their years of social conditioning overnight.

"You believe they should adopt a new behavior and become a person you expect them to be. You believe they should be the image you hold in your mind about them. They are not the image in your mind that you want them to be. When you want another person to live according to your expectations you are lying to yourself about who they really are."
http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/happiness/2007/07/30/understanding-a-liar/ 

I can see how this is true, but it is difficult to apply.  I can see how my expectations color many situations, but I had never applied it to someone else's lying.  If I expect them to behave differently than they actually do, then clearly I am causing my own distress.  Does this mean that I simply accept that they are going to lie and be okay with that?  Does it mean that I just prepare for them to lie because they are going to lie anyway?  Maybe I'm not okay with it, just accepting and therefore prepared?  What do you think?

So, if I am lying to myself about who this person really is and creating my own distress in many ways, how do I move passed those expectations?

Asperger's Christmas Miracle!

J is 12 years old and was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when he was 6.  Asperger's is a mild form of autism that involves many symptoms, but primarily impairment of social skills and empathy.  We have worked hard with J to teach him to understand other people, especially his peers.  Although he tries, most people and social rules don't make sense to him.  (Have you ever tried to explain why people shake hands when they meet? Or kiss someone goodbye that they don't particularly like?  A lot of our rules don't make sense!)

Yesterday, we (C, A, J, and I) were in Target attempting to buy gifts for one sibling each (they drew names) and their two dads.  The gift buying for the siblings went mostly fine because Mom was paying for them.  However, I'm trying to teach them the importance of using some of their money for someone else, so they were supposed to pay for their dads gifts out of their own money.  The alternative was to make a gift.

One of the other symptoms of autism is a lack of small muscle dexterity so J rather abhors making crafts.  However, he didn't really want to use his hard earned money to buy a gift either.  This lead to a rather exhausting conversation in Target about the joy of giving, blah, blah, blah, which he totally didn't get.  So we were checking out of Target with no gifts for the dads.

J asked if he could buy himself an Icee at the front of the store, which I agreed to mostly because I was trying to hide their gifts from each other, but also because it was lunch time. From the outside, this may not make sense with what I was trying to teach him, but it worked out so much better than I could have hoped for!

So J and A each had money and bought themselves something to eat or drink.  C didn't have any money.  She was trying to convince me that I should buy her something and I was just getting ready to give in when J handed her his own $2! Neither C nor I could believe that he did that.  He explained that she had bought something for him a  few weeks ago.  Then he handed her a quarter from his pocket to cover the taxes!

When C got in line, her mouth was still gaping in disbelief and I was trying hard not to cry with joy (because J doesn't like emotional stuff).  I told him that was the best Christmas present he could have given me.  He smiled with pride the whole way home!